A couple of weeks ago I had to buy a new football from SportsDirect. I was reminded of why they suck so fucking much.
Why do they suck so much?
Well how about their stupid website is fucking slow as hell. In the time it takes to load a fucking page you could have probably made a dozen fucking sandwiches.
Honestly, this isn't 2003 guys. Why does a page take up to 20 seconds to load?
If you do actually spend enough time surfing their website and do find a product to buy, good luck fucking buying it.
Add to basket. Add to basket. Add to basket. No, add to the basket please. Why aren't you adding? Add. To. Basket. ADD TO FUCKING BASKET YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER.
Oh.... wait.... no... ADD TO THE GODDAMN FUCKING BASKET PIECE OF SHIT.
That's ^ generally how you add somthing to your basket on SportsDirect. It seems their unbelievably shit website NEVER ADDS ANYTHING TO YOUR FUCKING BASKET.
Once it is added what do you do? Well you checkout of course!
OK, now here is where shit gets real. Oh, you thought it was bad before? SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!
So you wanna pay, right? Here are your options: Sign in and pay. Pay through Amazon. Or pay through Paypal.
Let's assume that you wanna do what every other human bean wants to do and just sign in. So, you enter your details. You click sign in and - hang on.... What the fuck?
Why in fucks name have I just signed in yet I've been taken to the fucking Paypal page?
OK maybe that's just how this works.
So you sign in to Paypal. OK. Not a big deal. But then you have to choose the card and address. Now because Paypal itself is so fucking dumb there are two names. Mine and someone else's who the Paypal account belongs too. Don't ask why it's like this, it just is.
So you select your card. OK. Then, if you're me, you select your Paypal name. Then you click 'proceed to checkout.'
Hang, what is THIS? What the fuck is this? Why the fuck has the name of the person the item is being delivered to been changed back to the default one and NOT mine like I selected? You know I could go back and change it back, but not only would SportsDirects fucky website go "OH NO YOU DON'T" and crash, it would also be a stupid, pointless effort at correcting a mistake because the same mistake will be made again and again and never ever corrected no matter how much you do try and correct it because it's so fucking shitty.
So you click pay.
And you click it again.
And - wait... is this a repeat of the basket situation? I think so.....
Again again again again again again again agian agin agN ign IjfneidnIA SFNSUH AJUHUFHUSAXA S DUFBEUDCVBSUFBEUV SJCUEFHE SF EUFBEUBEH
Ahem yeah anyway.
So basically at this stage you've clicked pay like a bazillion times. And guess what? The page is still fucking loading!
And then, then it happens. It goes white and then.... then.... then.... then it says something like "Sorry there was an error completing your order".
ARE. YOU. FUCKING. MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?
Oh God why....WHY??
But wait - wait a fucking minute? There wasn't an error, it was a trick. A devious trick by SportsShitErect.
You go and check your e-mail and then you see, you see the confirmation e-mail.
"Hi we're just e-mailing you to let you know that your item _______ order is being processed."
So why the fuck did you tell me it hadn't gone through you dumb fucks?
But there's more.
"As you did not order through a registered SportsDirect account you cannot receive tracking information for your order. Please create an account by following this link in order to track your parcel when it is sent."
What? What? WHAT? But I fucking signed in? I fucking signed into SportsDirect and then I was redirected to Paypal?
So what you're telling me is that I signed in, but I didn't, and I was sent to Paypal for no fucking reason?
It's not over yet.
If you got express delivery then you can expect your lovely item to be delivered by the folks from Yodel. Yes. Y-O-D-E-L!
I already did a rant on those bastards which you can read here.
Just to sum Yodel up they're basically like a really fit hooker with aids. They promise a lot, but in the end you regret ever putting your faith in them and their services.
By the way all of this rant was dedicated to if you actually ORDER your item SUCCESSFULLY.
If it turns out the item you ordered on Wednesday is out of stock but they didn't say so on the site, you can expect an e-mail telling you it hasn't been sent because of this a good couple of days later. Like, Friday. And your money that you spent on this nonexistent item? Won't be in your account for a couple of days too...
There is one plus to SportsShitDirect though. They send you a lot of free mugs. Thanks for those guys.