Friday, 19 July 2013

A Question Of Sexual Fetishes & Fantasies (Acceptable Vs Unacceptable & Judgmental Vs Who Gives A Sh*t?)

So, what are your sexual fantasises? 

No doubt that's a question you have been asked before, likely by a friend in a joking manner or maybe by a sexual partner. Did you answer honestly? Nah. Of course you didn't. While S&M and foot fetishes are perfectly acceptable in todays society, there are many, many other ones that are not. Or generally aren't even recognised by most people as being an actual fantasy.

You couldn't turn around to the person who asked you what sexual fantasies you have and say something like: "Raptophilia!", because they'd probably think you need locking up.

In case you didn't know, raptophilia is the sexual fantasy of committing rape. What kind of rape are we talking about here? Real life rape? Rape where the person goes out and actually assaults someone for real? That kind of rape? 

Well, it's not really easy or possible to categorise any fantasy in a literal sense. It's far easier to take the subject of the fantasy and look at it is for what it is. In this case, people who have this raptophilia fetish are turned on by, simply, rape. No gender specific here and, most importantly, no circumstances either. And that's really it, isn't it? That's what determines if this is a bad fantasy or an OK one. The circumstances.

Being turned on by rape because you have this raptophilia fetish does mean you're going to go out and rape someone. Far from it. Often the raptophilia fetish is acted out in the form of roleplay and is setup. 

Just because you have a fantasy that revolves around a negative or 'bad' action or subject, doesn't mean you're going to act on it. People are responsible for their own actions and just like if you play violent games and then go and shoot someone, that is still YOUR fault and choice and not the game's. 

So raptophilia or most other fetishes of a similar nature aren't a valid excuse to commit crimes like rape. If you do rape someone, that's YOUR choice whether you have this fantasy or not.

But what about paedophilia - or 'pedophilia' as it is frequently spelt? That isn't something you can 'not' act on is it? That's labelled as a fetish, yet it is something incurable and impossible to prevent. It's not just the fantasy of having sex with minors, it's ACTING on that fantasy too. 

Unlike raptophilia, which doesn't actually 'make' the person go out and commit rape, paedophilia does make adults assault children. Right? So where is 'wrong' and 'right' or 'bad' and 'acceptable' where fantasies are concerned? Is there a line? SHOULD there be a line? 

And what's more, it's all inside your mind right? Just like I said in the article I posted a couple of days ago about opinions, fantasies are in your mind, so how are they punishable or bad? If you don't act on them in a bad way (like raping someone or assaulting a minor), is it bad to have them? And is it even illegal to have them? This is where a person's 'mind' and the 'law' clash, and where what is right and what is wrong become blurred. Is it wrong to think something bad? Is that sinful? If God does exist and there is a Heaven and Hell, does thinking bad things mean you will go to Hell? Even if you don't act upon them? Does sin or crime ever extend past what is not physical or literal? Is there such a thing as sinning or committing a crime without actually, technically, doing anything?

Yes, there is. If you are not directly responsible for something but rather set in motion a domino effect that ends up with someone being murdered or a crime being committed due to you setting up a sequence of events that you yourself did not have a hand in but ultimately masterminded, then that is morally wrong. But is there anything wrong with thought? Is thought punishable and is thinking of some bad things morally wrong? 

Getting back to the paedophile issue, and I just want to mention something that infuriates me to do with the media and how they label almost every single 'adult had sex with an underage minor' case as a paedophile case. Newsflash, dumbasses, paedophilia is a mental condition that makes the sufferer attracted, sexually, to pre-pubescent minors, most commonly aged 11 or under. So that guy, that teacher of whatever he was, that had a sexual relationship with that 15 year old was not a Goddamn paedo. So stop saying he is.

Being sexually attracted to people ages between the ages of 15 and 19 is actually classed as ephebophilia, no paedophilia, and is not anywhere near as dangerous a condition as the latter. 

Anyway, I digress. What I really wanted to talk about was sexual fetishes and how socially acceptable and unacceptable they are and whether or not it's a good thing that there is such a taboo on fetishes outside of the common S&M ground.

Typically, EVERYONE has a sexual fantasy. Whether you like it or not, you have one. Now chances are this may never be acted out. Why? Because it's likely that your possibly hidden fantasy is unusual to the point where you wouldn't even chance telling your partner about it.

Raptophilia, for instance, is the type of fetish that you wouldn't consider telling anyone, because there is such a taboo surrounding rape and the moment you mention it in what is supposed to be an 'erotic' and 'sexy' and 'arousing' way you become a piece of shit. Basically. 

But actually reptophilia can be traced to S&M as well. In fact, while the two fantasies don't go hand in hand, they actually have many similarities and chances are if you are a 'fan' of one, you're likely at least a bit of a 'fan' of the other. 

But did you also know that 'Sado-Masochism' are two different fantasies? Seems obvious when you think about it but people always pair the 'sadism' fantasy and the 'masochism' one together because people who have the sadism fantasy go well with people who have the masochism fantasy. That said, the fetishes themselves don't go hand in hand. 

It's actually a fairly common misconception that people that have 'sadist' fantasies also have ones where they aren't the ones holding the whip. And vice versa. But that's not really the case. Sadism and masochism are two very different fantasies and just because someone is a 'sadist' doesn't mean they're also a 'masochist'.

And what's more, when you think about it, just like with raptophilia, 'sadism' is a pretty scary thing. It doesn't sound very nice, does it? Sadism itself is where one gets a kick out of making others suffer. If someone asks what your fetishes are and you say: "Sadism!", how bad does that make you look? How much of a psychopath will you seem after that?
But if respond by saying: "S&M.", that is far more acceptable. 

If raptophilia was actually a part of the 'Sadism' fantasy, and not a standalone fetish, no-one would have a problem with it. My point? People are weird. Very, very weird. And the way we perceive good and bad things is not very, well, good. We judge books by their covers ALL the time. People miss the little details that REALLY matter ALL the time. Like ALL the time.

And that's why judgemental ignorant people piss me the fuck off. And unfortunately, I'm related to a couple of people like this. 

The entire fetish thing itself is misunderstood by tons of people. Most of the time, people seem to think sexual fantasies are acted out constantly in the bedroom (and even if they are, why should anyone else care?) or that taboo fetishes like urolagnia (a fetish that revolves around urination) are all consuming things that people who have them focus their lives on. But they're not. Half the time they remain right at the back of everyone's minds. The only time these fantasies every really become even remotely a 'reality' is where pornography is concerned. Or if you are in a very sexually open relationship. 

Regardless of your morale opinions regarding porn and the industry, the bottom line is that it's a good way for people to see and imagine their fantasies being performed without ever going as far as doing it themselves. Obviously I'm talking about legal pornography. Illegal porn is a plague that needs to be gotten rid of. 

As for the open relationship thing though, if you are with someone that you can be totally open with and share your sexual fetishes and fantasies with, then I applaud you. In my opinion people should be just as sexually compatible as they are emotionally and personally. 

So here we are. It's confession time. What are your fantasies? Your fetishes? You most likely have more than one and you almost certainly have one that would be deemed as 'weird' and 'creepy'. Even if you're not aware you have it yourself. But the great thing about fetishes is that no matter how much someone can, and often will say: "That's disgusting!" or "That's vile and weird!" about what goes on inside your mind, just know that they have just as creepy and often shocking things going on inside THEIR mind too. Is any deeper proof needed that almost every person is a raging hypocrite? And a raging judgmental lunatic? Nah, we already knew that anyway.


  1. Mike's main man Barry19 July 2013 at 22:22

    Where the bloody hell did this come from... O.o

    1. I was reading about fetishes on wikipedia (as you do) and as usual my mind started wandering lol, so I wrote this!

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